Tuesday, October 12, 2004

Make Austin Normal

This is an old rant, but my fury is renewed every day. I go to school in Austin, Texas. It's something like living in Berkley, California, circa 1969. The big thing around here is "Keep Austin Weird." Keep Austin Weird t-shirts. Keep Austin Weird hemp skirts. Keep Austin Weird hula-hoops. And, of course, Keep Austin Weird bumper stickers. It's supposed to be like an anti-corporate, anti-homogenous, anti-establishment thing. I think it's just anti-common sense.

How about you make Austin a little more normal? How about you scoop your stank hobo ass off the drag and get a job? Starbucks is probably hiring. Too corporate for you? Wear a tanktop with those hairy armpits - then everyone will think you're alternative. How about you take all those f-ing hippie political bumper stickers off your damn ride? "Keep your rosaries out of my ovaries"? I'm not even Catholic, but I wish the Pope would come over here and catch you upside your damn head. "Subvert the dominant paradigm"? What does that even mean? If you're a real hippie, aren't you supposed to be driving a bike?

My latest rage is spurred by the newest infuriating wave to sweep Austin: that damn yellow LiveStrong bracelet. It's supposed to be in support of cancer survivors, or research, or who knows what. But people around here are making the online donation only so people will see them rocking the thing and think they're cool. Oh, wow! You must be best buddies with Lance Damn Armstrong to have gotten one of those! The bracelets are even on E-bay now - so you can purchase the cool factor without all of that pesky societal contribution crap. Genius! The next person I see with that damn yellow rubber band on is getting kicked in the face.

This LiveStrong bullshit is nothing new, but I saw a piece on TV the other day about how the fad is now sweeping the entire nation. So it's no longer just an Austin phenomenon - the whole country has officially gone hippie. I ask you: if Austin is supposed to be so into keeping itself weird, and so anti-homogenous and anti-establishment, then how is it that the city's biggest export in recent years (aside from the President, who clearly does not bear Austin's stamp of approval) is an exclusivist, readily apparent, meaningless status symbol?

Sunday, October 03, 2004

Ground Rules

Alright, so it's been a couple weeks and this thing hasn't been deleted from the annals (look it up, Sporty - it's got nothing to do with ass) of the internet, so here I am posting again. Yippee.

Feel free to read my shit - I may make it a goal to write something once a week. Feel free to post to my shit - I may make it a goal to look at this thing once a week. I reserve the right to edit (both you and me) for spelling, grammar, punctuation, and style. HEY - this is my little webcorner.com - suck it up and go with it or get the hell out.